She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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