FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
