I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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