His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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