My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
