I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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