My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
