How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
