Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
