the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
