So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
