My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
