He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dick very happy bro
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
