I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
