2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
