okay pat passed out under dana's car
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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