people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
