tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
