dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
