i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize