Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
