They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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