the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize