i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
