Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
