DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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