Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
