She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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