I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
