All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
