omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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