If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
