I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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