I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
