I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
