i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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