I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
