Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
not ubering you a puppy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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