Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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