You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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