Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
