The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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