spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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