He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize