Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
