i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
