i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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