i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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