If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
