She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
