Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
