I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
