M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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