I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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