I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Another day, another engagement, another cat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
