Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
