I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize