do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
