I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
