all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
