just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
