you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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