3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
