I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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