i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
