I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
