Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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