She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
