a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
