I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize