i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
