come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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