If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
