1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can i not drive my cunt home
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
