I cockslap morals
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
