this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
