Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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