now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
