Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
