I've blown a few things in my day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
