So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
