Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize