brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
