I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
