It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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