We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bring me that man meat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
