i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
