Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
