There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize