he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
