This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
