I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
