It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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