I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
