seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i love accidental penises.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
