Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
