Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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