So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
