just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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