hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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